A few months before Quinn was born, I joined a Facebook group called “July 2014 Babies.” It’s a group of parents from all around the world who have children born in July 2014. It’s been one of my favorite things about Facebook. It’s a wonderful resource. You can get a lot of different perspectives from different cultures, which is awesome when you get caught up in your own culture’s prescriptions for parenting. This has been refreshing to me as I go through developmental stages for the first time with Q. You’d think there to be a lot of clashing in the discourse, but I’m always amazed at how respectful and nonjudgmental everyone is. An added bonus? If you have a question or need support in the middle of the night, there’s usually someone in a completely opposite time zone ready for you on the other end.
A few weeks ago, there was an incident in the group. A member posted about the FBI coming to her house in the middle of the night and taking her husband away for activities related to child pornography. It was serious. Her husband’s activity was unbeknownst to her and for all she knew when she went to bed that night, everything in her life and marriage was going just fine until the FBI came. She was devastated and looking for support. There were lots of responses to her post ranging from anger to fear to support/empathy to a mixed bag of these feelings. A handful of members were worried about their own children’s safety (if the husband had access to her FB account, and thus, pics of group member’s kids). Long story short, this member was kicked out of the group initially. This created backlash because a bunch of people felt that the girl really needed support from the group during this time. Ultimately, the admins for the group had a vote and she was let back in.
I read a bunch of comments and back and forth arguing before I voted on this issue. If you’re curious, I voted to keep her in the group and that if people were worried, they could block her. Though all member’s feelings were valid, everyone was so focused on getting more info (what age kids was he looking at?!), how she should handle her situation (get a divorce!), and how the group admins should handle this with members. There was something completely missing from the conversation. Personal responsibility for online behavior.
A situation like this should prompt us all to think about how we use social media outlets like Facebook. We are all responsible for what we post of and about ourselves and our families on social media. We have the freedom to post whatever we want, but we have to assume that anything we post, or link to, “check in” to, or comment on, can be seen by anyone anywhere. Anyone. Anywhere. Kim Kardashian is convinced that her Instagram posts led robbers to her Paris hotel that night. She’s probably right.
Facebook itself is using our data, photos, posts in ways we can’t imagine. Even posts we eventually delete from our walls or ones we start typing, delete, and never post! It is not secure and never will be, despite your “privacy settings.” A bunch of people know this and don’t really care. I sort of fall into this camp. I try not to be inflammatory other than a political debate here or there (how can you not these days?). I am aware that Facebook is selling my info to other companies and the government. I am aware that someone might see one of my pictures and do something weird with it. So, I’m selective about what I say, post, “like,” comment on, etc.
There are lots of great aspects of social media. You can keep in touch with others, from near and far and from all corners of your life. It’s a platform for making your voice heard. It’s a place to get support and information. I’ve seen it as a powerful way to grieve and to keep a person who has passed away alive and connected to us. It can be a place where a person with special needs feels “normal.” But for everything positive about it, there’s something negative. It can create competition. It can be a place to bully or be bullied. It can lead to depression and anxiety. Your information is easily seen and “hackable.” What you post can be seen by anyone from anywhere. Once you post something, it’s permanent. Know yourself, get informed, and make healthy social media choices.
