The other day, I messaged my cousin to see if she was around for a visit. She responded, “I’m getting my nails done then I have a massage.” WHAT?! Mind you, she has two teenage kids. She continued to say, “I don’t like telling that to moms with little kids! LOL.” I thanked her and said, “So, there’s hope!?”
You’ve heard the phrase “man-up.” It’s a little ridiculous, but I’m trying not to get caught up in the connotations and assumptions and implied gender stuff. There’s a new one out there to dwell on… “mom-up!” I’ve heard it, but I just Googled it to see how it’s been used and made sense of out in the internet social stratosphere. An article came up with a picture of a beautiful mom, baring her pregnant belly and wearing a supermom costume. Cape a-flutter. Makeup on point. The caption: “You are stronger than you think!” Eh.
I get it. It can be motivating to say to ourselves “Mom-up!!” in times of parental frustration. It can be powerful to think of ourselves as Supermoms, especially when you’re still standing tall after being told by your three year old that you’re ruining her life (the exact quote was “you’re killing my life!”). The reality is that most of the moms I know are supermoms, even when they feel like they’re lost. It goes without saying.
Most of the time when we feel we need to “mom up,” in reality, we need to “mom down.” Take a deep breath. A break, if possible, even if that means locking yourself in the bathroom for 3 minutes. Realize that it’s okay to strongly dislike this moment, these moments, this month, this age, this stage. “But everyone says cherish it because I’m going to miss this someday…” True maybe, but don’t let that make you feel guilty for feelings you have.
You may not be able to mom down at the very moment during which you need to. You might be trying to figure out how to unhook your hair from the zipper of the hanging backpack it got caught on while changing a blowout and using your hands to simultaneously wipe a butt and pin down the little hands so they don’t go near said butt…and also trying to keep your three year old from getting bitten by the dog again because she is pretending to be a dog and biting the real dog…true story. You can’t make up the situations you find yourself in while parenting multiple children.
As soon as whatever “this too shall pass” moment is over, and assuming you live through it, set a time in your mind or on your calendar for some “mom down” time. The truth is, we might be stronger than we think, but we don’t have to be strong all the time. You don’t have to “stay strong” for anyone. Not even your kids. You don’t even have to have your shit halfway together all the time. Your kids will benefit in multiple ways from seeing you in your least supermom-y moments. It’s real life. If you’re always mom-ing up, you just might break down. Raising children is amazing, yet tiring work. There’s no punching in and punching out of this job. There's no leaving your work at work. This goes for all moms, regardless of their situations. Take your cape off and mom the f*ck down. If you can’t get out, bring your wine in the shower tonight, play some tunes, and sing your heart out…but don’t wake up the littles.
