The world is anxious and our kids can feel it. “Coronavirus.” “Hospitals.” “Sick.” “Closed.” “Out of an abundance of caution…” “Until further notice.” These words are everywhere, even if you don’t watch the news. As of the past couple days, store checkout lines are nearly reaching the frozen section. Streets are much quieter. THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER! School is canceled…there is no snow on the ground. What is going on?
We try to limit our kids’ exposure. That’s good. They don’t need it all, while we [think we] do. But they do need some information, especially if they’re kindergarten or older. Things are happening in their world around them that if left unexplained, will leave them unsettled. Unsettled in ways that we might not be able to see (disrupted sleep, behavioral stuff, emotion dysregulation, etc.)
Before talking to your kids about the pandemic, think about how they handle certain information. Are they fairly anxious? Do they “get stuck,” or perseverate, on details? Do they add imagined fears on top and have trouble keeping in mind what is real and what’s not? Do they lose sleep over “scary” things? My daughter does better with more information, so I gave her a good amount. Here is what I told her after we learned yesterday that school is canceled today after a parent of children in her school developed COVID-19 symptoms after having been in contact with someone who tested positive for the disease.
Last month, we talked about the sickness that was going around in China. She heard my husband and I chatting about it with her bionic ears and probably caught a glimpse of people in hazmat suits on my phone, so I needed to follow up.
Yesterday, I told her that the germ in China has spread other countries because people travel on planes between countries and over oceans. It is in our area now, but we are safe. Even if we catch the germ, we will be safe. It would feel like a lot of other sicknesses she has already had. The reason the sickness is scary is because older people like my Gramma in the nursing home are more tired and not as strong as younger people (“Mom, why is your Gramma always laying down in bed?”). They would get more sick and more uncomfortable than we would. We don’t want to spread germs around and have them get to the older people.
I told her that pretty soon, we will have a shot that will protect us from this germ, just like the flu (cue the panicked, “MOM! WHEN DO I HAVE TO GET ANOTHER FLU SHOT!?”) Until then, we all need to keep the germ from spreading. She knows about transmission thanks to the Usborne lift a flap book "What Are Germs?" (highly recommend). This is not to say that she follows all of the basic hygiene tips to a T...
I told her I got a call from Scituate Schools saying that a parent of a kid was around someone who had the germ. They are closing school to clean it make sure it’s safe for everyone. If schools close for longer, which looks like that will be up to districts to decide, it will be more about keeping clean and not spreading.
There is no need to bring up the fact that people are dying from this, especially for kids under seven-ish. If they ask, keep it simple. “Yes, some people have died from this. They're mostly older. The people who have died probably had a lot of sicknesses at the same time.”
She was in the bathtub when we had this talk. I made her clean up as soon as I got the call from the superintendent. She listened closely and then demonstrated some ways germs can spread, which inevitably got water spewed well beyond the confines of the tub. A perfect time to break the rules in an acceptable way! Instead of yelling at her (which I really wanted to do), I told her that if she had any questions at all about the germ or what’s going on, to ask me or daddy. This is important. Leave the communication gates open. You are their trusted adult.
Our kids are living in this world, too, and they deserve some information. It’s hard to bring these topics up, it’s hard to find the appropriate words, and it’s even harder to field questions. But we need to talk to them in an honest way, leaving no major gaps to fill with imagination. They will see and hear things and it's on us as parents to address this this with them. And we sure have the time and space to now.
Finally, our family watched a BrainPop video on “Coronavirus.” Make sure to preview it first and decide if it’s appropriate for your kids. I will link it in FB comments.
Thank you to everyone in hospitals taking care of us.
