[Birth] Plans

Two years ago, July 4th, 2014, was my due date for having my daughter. There hadn't been the slightest trace of labor, but it was my due date and she was to come that day. That was nature's plan. Right? Well, come nighttime, the only things I'd had that day were two milky way ice creams and a binge watching session of Orange Is the New Black. No baby. July 4th came and went and so did my confidence in all of my planning for the birthing experience.

Planning and anticipating how something will go is human nature and necessary for life. It feels safe and sound to know, or think you know, what's going to happen later, tomorrow, next month, etc. We protect ourselves by making plans. If you're anxious about the unknowns of the future, you make a plan to control for that. But, what happens when plans do not go as expected? Chaos. Disappointment. Anxiety. Upset. The need for re-calibration, which takes energy and flexibility.

Seeing the due date come and go was a sign to me that I had to let go of any expectations for what the birth of my daughter was going to be like. There are so many different ways in which a birth can go, and who was I to assume which one of those ways mine would go? I shredded the "birth plan" I came up with months prior and planted my heiney on the couch to finish OITNB. For the next ten days.

During those ten days until July 15th when Quinn was born, I felt at ease because I had given myself permission to go through the process however it would unfold. I really hadn't ever done this before in my life for something so significant. I even slept well the night before my induction!

Letting go of the birth plan was such a positive thing for me. I ended up being induced and in the operating room for a c-section after twenty-four hours of unproductive labor. Technically, it was an "unplanned c-section," but calling it that makes it sound like I had an alternative plan, which I didn't. A c-section was within the many possibilities of how Quinn could enter the world and I was fine with it because I had no expectation. I was able to enjoy it, actually. We filmed it with a Go-Pro and have watched it a bunch of times.

I've never lived in the moment more than when I went through this time. I couldn't think about the past because what was happening was so intense, emotionally and physically. I wasn't worried about the future because there was no expectation I was forcing myself to fulfill. To top it off, this was really good practice for the future (kids really make it hard to plan a lot of things). Think you're going to make it to the beach in two hours? Think again because so-and-so is going to have to stop and pee and you're going to need to pull over and put Frozen on the DVD player so you-know-who stops wailing. And there's traffic! Four hours later...

The challenge for the week is to let go of a plan. I wouldn't suggest skipping an appointment or anything like that. That's not what I mean by "plan." I mean expectation or judgment. Maybe let go of how you think an appointment is going to go or how you think a person will respond to something, etc. You might find that although it's uncomfortable and strange, it can be a good thing to do.